Top Ten Eliot Spitzer Excuses & More

From Letterman:


Top Ten Eliot Spitzer Excuses

10 Oh come on, like you were never involved in a prostitution ring
9 Hookers is fun
8 Just trying to help the economy
7 Have you ever been to Albany?
6 It's part of my new MTV prank show "Spitz'd"
5 Haven't been myself since Roy Schieder died
4 Uh, tainted beef?
3 Whether it's a hooker or your wife, you're always paying for it
-- you married fellas know what I'm talking about
2 Wanted to be known as the Charlie Sheen of politics
1 I thought Bill Clinton legalized this years ago


Top Ten Messages Left On Eliot Spitzer's Answering Machine

10 Hey, what's new?
9 It's Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my
running mate? Nevermind.
8 Ralph Nader here, glad to hear I'm not the only
politician who has to pay for it
7 I'm calling from the 'New York Post.' Would you rather be
known as 'Disgraced Gov Perv'or 'Humiliated Whore Fiend'?
6 This is John McCain, if it makes you feel better, I once
got caught having sex with Lincoln's wife
5 It's Dr. Phil, call me if you need any horse**** advice
4 This is Senator Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis airport?
3 It's Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer three-way
2 Paris Hilton here. I would have done it for free
1 It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I'm no longer America's
creepiest governor


Best Headlines Re: Spitzer

HO NO!
NY's Naked Emporer
Spitza's Otha Shiksas!
Scarlet Harlot
Tricks For Spitz
Escorted From Office?
Guv's Bank Skank Spank
No Pass On High Class Ass
GUV MEETS HO; EATS CROW
THE LYIN', THE SPITZ, AND THE CALL GIRL
SPITZ TO HOOKER: TAKE THIS TRAIN, I WANNA GET OFF
Governor? I Barely Ho Her!